Taming the Chaos - Managing projects with difficult team members and stakeholders
As a project management consultant, I often hear from project managers and PMOs: “I’m having issues with difficult personalities—what do I do to deal with this?” It’s a universal headache—whether it’s a team member who bulldozes collaboration or a stakeholder who thinks they’re the only genius in the room, these dynamics can grind progress to a halt. The good news? You can navigate these challenges with the right strategies. Here’s how to manage projects effectively when difficult personalities threaten to derail your efforts, complete with examples and practical solutions.
Understanding the Usual Suspects
Difficult team members and stakeholders tend to fall into predictable patterns. Recognizing them is the first step to tackling the chaos:
The "My Way or the Highway" Collaborator: They dig in, rejecting input and insisting on their approach.
The Ego Titan: Armed with oversized confidence, they assume they know it all and drown out others.
The Quit-Threat Extortionist: They leverage “I’ll walk” as a power play to get their demands met.
The Socially Clueless Leader: Lacking people skills or leadership finesse, they sow confusion and tension.
When PMs tell me, “I’m stuck with these types,” my advice starts with getting ahead of the behavior.
Strategy 1: Anchor Them with Clear Expectations
Difficult personalities thrive in ambiguity. Set firm boundaries by defining roles, goals, and processes from day one.
Example: A PM shared, “One developer keeps pushing their own timeline, ignoring the plan.” I’d recommend referencing the project kickoff where timelines were locked in: “We agreed on this schedule to meet the client’s deadline—can you explain how your approach fits that?” It’s a polite redirect that keeps the focus on facts.
Tip: Use a project charter or a tool like Jira to make expectations visible and non-negotiable.
Strategy 2: Harness Egos for Good
I hear it often: “This stakeholder’s ego is out of control—they hijack every call.” Big egos can be a pain, but they’re often tied to real skills. Channel that energy by giving them a sandbox to shine in, tied to team goals.
Example: A PMO lead complained about a know-it-all exec derailing discussions. I suggested: “Next time, task them with something specific—like validating our data assumptions. Say, ‘You’ve got a sharp eye for this; can you dig into it for us?’” It keeps them occupied and adds value.
Tip: Acknowledge their input in front of the team when it’s legit—it strokes their ego while reinforcing collaboration.
Strategy 3: Defuse Threats with Cool Confidence
“I’ve got a team member who threatens to quit unless we do it their way,” a PM once vented. Threats like these are power grabs—don’t flinch. Stay calm and pivot to the project’s needs.
Example: A designer says, “If we don’t use my layout, I’m done.” Respond: “I see you’re invested in this, and we need your skills. Let’s compare your layout to the brief’s requirements—how does it stack up?” It shifts the conversation from drama to data.
Tip: Quietly prep a Plan B (like a freelancer on standby) so you’re never hostage to their bluff.
Strategy 4: Scaffold the Skill Gaps
PMs often lament, “My lead has zero people skills—it’s killing morale.” When leadership or social chops are missing, impose structure to limit the damage.
Example: A socially awkward stakeholder barks orders, alienating the team. A PM I advised set up structured check-ins with clear prompts: “Here’s what we need today—updates, risks, next steps.” Privately, they nudged: “The team clicks better with a heads-up before changes—can we try that?” It’s subtle coaching with guardrails.
Tip: Lean on tools like Microsoft Teams or Monday.com to keep communication tracked and less personal.
Strategy 5: Rally Support and Escalate Smartly
When PMOs say, “I’m out of moves,” I point to teamwork and escalation. Build a coalition of reasonable voices to reinforce norms, and only escalate with a solid case.
Example: A stakeholder’s constant threats of “I’ll pull funding” rattled a PM. I suggested briefing a supportive team lead to chime in: “We’re on track—let’s keep the momentum.” When it didn’t stop, they escalated to the sponsor with specifics: “These disruptions have delayed us by three days—any thoughts on managing this?”
Tip: Log incidents (dates, impacts) for credibility, but pitch escalation as a problem-solving step, not a complaint.
Final Takeaway: You’ve Got This
“I’m having issues with difficult personalities” is a cry I hear too often from project managers and PMOs—and I get it. Whether it’s the collaborator who won’t budge, the ego that won’t quit, or the leader who can’t connect, these headaches test your mettle. But with clear boundaries, strategic redirection, and a steady hand, you can turn chaos into progress. You’re not just managing a project—you’re mastering the people behind it.
What’s the toughest personality you’ve faced on a project? Share your story below—I’d love to swap war stories and solutions!
